Interpersonal feedback talk and workshop

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│ ©2021 VMware, Inc.
Interpersonal Feedback
Talk & Workshop

1. Learn about creating and maintaining
a Feedback Culture
2. Practice Feedback Techniques
Goals Agenda
30 min Feedback Tips and Techniques
- Creating Safe Spaces
- Asking for Feedback
- Owning Change
- Giving Feedback
20 min Practice Writing feedback
10 min Share Learnings

Resources for this Talk
Radical Candor
by Kim Scott + Udemy Course, An article, TED Talk
Difficult Conversations
by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
Nonviolent Communication
by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD

A dictionary definition
What is
Interpersonal
Feedback?
Feed·back
/ˈfēdˌbak/
Information about a person's
performance of a task used as a basis
for improvement.

Why is it
important?
Interpersonal Feedback helps you
grow faster and more effectively.
Without it, you would be growing in
a bubble.

Types of feedback
There are lots of types but they
generally fall into two categories:
● Praise (positive)
● Constructive Criticism (negative)

4 Key Areas to
Feedback Culture
1. Create a space to speak truths
2. Ask for Feedback (tips)
3. Own Your Own Change
4. Give Feedback
... Reflect & Repeat

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Step 1. Create a space
to speak truths

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A culture of feedback begins with behaviors
that build trust and non-judgement.
List of behaviors that foster psychological safety
- [re:Work]
Tip: Start by respecting opinions and showing you care by
listening

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Make eye contact to show connection
and active listening
Behaviors that encourage Psychological Safety: Engagement

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Avoid placing blame and focus on
solutions
Behaviors that encourage Psychological Safety: Understanding

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Solicit input, opinions, and feedback from
your teammates
Behaviors that encourage Psychological Safety: Inclusive
Decision Making

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Don’t interrupt or allow interruptions
Ensure ideas are heard and encouraged
Behaviors that encourage Psychological Safety: Inclusive
Decision Making

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Model vulnerability. Share personal
perspective and failure with teammates
Behaviors that encourage Psychological Safety: Confidence w/
flexibility

Sharing
Vulnerability
Builds Trust
● Ask for help. State something you’re actively
working on and to have them watch you
● Share something you’ve gotten feedback on
● Appreciate something you’ve observed
someone else do
● Share something you’re struggling with outside
of work
● Be careful initially when building relationships
as this could erode credibility

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Step 2. Ask for Feedback

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What do individuals need to value in
order to start a culture of feedback?

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A culture of feedback begins with
individuals who value self-improvement.
Tip: Asking for feedback regularly begins a culture of feedback

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A culture of feedback begins with
individuals who value self-improvement,
ask for feedback regularly.
Tip: Asking for feedback regularly begins a culture of feedback

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Develop feedback asking habits
Ask for feedback at the end of every meeting, workshop, or conversation.
Book a regular 15 minute 1:1 with a teammate.
Collect your own feedback, type up your own learnings.
Tip: Make it a habit

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Develop your own personal prompt.
Be more specific than, “have any feedback for me?”
Options: “What’s one thing I could’ve done to make that go smoother?”
Tip: Be clear with your prompt.

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Develop your own personal prompt.
Be more specific than, “have any feedback for me?”
Options: “What’s one thing I could’ve done to make that go smoother?”
3 minute activity: Write a specific or general question you can
ask someone today.

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Wait 6 seconds after you’ve asked for
feedback before speaking.
Tip: While you’re asking, be patient.

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Try silently writing feedback for each other
Example: the 1:1 Plus/Delta technique
Reflect on your day working together.
Silently generate a few positives
and suggested changes
Discuss for 5 minutes.
Tip: For people who need time to think about feedback, allow
written feedback.

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Step 3. Own Your Own Change

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Reflect back the feedback you heard
and share your ideas for action.
Tip: After receiving feedback, share what you heard.

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Complexify your identity.
Admit you will make mistakes.
Tip: Move away from the false choice of I’m perfect or I’m
worthless.

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Hold yourself accountable for acting
on feedback received.
Tip: After receiving feedback, take action so people trust in you.

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Write down feedback you’ve heard recently.
Follow-up with the person and have them pay attention to whether you’ve
improved or not. Thank them.
5 minute activity: Write down feedback you’re acting on now.

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Step 4. Give Feedback

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Praise in public.
Criticize in private.
Tip: Praise scales, it teaches other people good behaviors too.

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Praise more than you criticize.
Tip: Knowing what you’re doing well is just as important as what
you aren’t.

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Provide feedback about behavior or
perceived intention, not their personality
Say “You seemed hesitant…” not “You are a hesitant person…”
Tip: Situational feedback gives people the chance to grow

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Get feedback about how you’re giving
feedback using Radical Candor
Tip: Give feedback about feedback. Yup. Huh?

What is the
Radical Candor?
Radical Candor is…
...A framework for leaders/managers to
communicate more effectively and
establish relationships needed to drive
awesome work.
...The ability to Challenge Directly and
show you Care Personally at the same
time.

Radical Candor Framework: How is your feedback landing?
Care Personally
Challenge Directly

Care Personally
Challenge Directly
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
You show you don’t care
You don’t challenge directly or enough

Care Personally
Challenge Directly
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
“Feedback on the
meeting? Oh...it went
...okay.”

Care Personally
Challenge Directly
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY

Care Personally
Challenge Directly
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
“Feedback on the
meeting? You did well!
Maybe think about
presenting differently”

Care Personally
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
You challenge directly
* Desired state
Challenge Directly
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY

Care Personally
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
* Desired state
Challenge Directly
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
“Feedback on the
meeting? Don’t quit your
day job, I didn’t get half
of what you said.”

Care Personally
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
RADICAL CANDOR
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
* Desired state
Challenge Directly

Care Personally
RUINOUS EMPATHY
You show you care
RADICAL CANDOR
You show you care
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
* Desired state
Challenge Directly
“Feedback on the meeting?
You paused for long periods
of time and said “um” a lot. I
lost track of your talking
points. Try practicing talking
points beforehand to get your
point across better”

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What feels like strongly phrased feedback for
one person may feel weak for another. Adjust
feedback language for context and audience
Tip: Balance

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Successful feedback is measured not
at your mouth but the other person’s
ear.
Tip: Pay attention to whether your feedback has been
understood. Nothing will change otherwise.

Feedback Frameworks we’re going to practice with
Let’s talk about 2 other ways we can giving feedback.
● ASK: Actionable, Specific, Kind
● SBI: Situation, Behavior, Impact
● OFNA: Observations, Feelings, Needs, Actions

Feedback Frameworks
SBI (article)
Situation, Behavior, Impact
● Situation
When and where was this situation
you’re referring to?
● Behavior
What behavior did you observe?
● Impact
How did their actions affect you or
others? *Use “I” statements.
OFNA (NVC pdf)
Observations, Feelings, Needs, Actions
● Observations
This is a statements of facts. What
am I seeing? What a I hearing?
● Feelings
Ask yourself how does this situation
make me feel?
● Needs
What do I value? What needs were
not addressed?
● Actions
What steps can we take?
*Encourages internally running through this framework
before speaking to someone. It can really defuse the
situation and make a big difference. Then you can ask the
same questions to the other person.
ASK
Actionable, Specific, Kind
● Describe what happened
Be specific
● Tell them how it made you feel.
How does this affect you? The
project? The team?
● Suggest what you would like to
happen next time
What makes it great? What could be
better? What stays the same?

Situation,
Behavior,
Impact
SBI
● Situation
When and where was this situation you’re referring
to?
● Behavior
● Impact
How did their actions affect you or others? *Use “I”
statements.

Observations,
Feelings,
Needs,
Actions
OFNA
● Observations
This is a statements of facts. What am I seeing?
What am I hearing?
● Feelings
Ask yourself how does this situation make me feel?
● Needs
What do I value? What needs were not addressed?
(See giant map of categories of needs)
● Actions
*Encourages internally running through this framework before speaking to someone. It can really defuse the
situation and make a big difference. Then you can ask the same questions to the other person.

Write feedback down and share
Goal
Try different feedback formats
Learn about your feedback style
Format
Write Feedback for the following Scenario in the next slide
Split into groups of three
Pass around for silent read
Discuss as a small group
Point to where feedback lands on the Radical Candor Matrix
Let’s
Practice

Let’s practice using these feedback frameworks
SBI (article)
● Situation
When and where was this situation
you’re referring to?
● Behavior
● Impact
How did their actions affect you or
others? *Use “I” statements.
OFNA (NVC pdf)
● Observations
This is a statements of facts. What
am I seeing? What a I hearing?
● Feelings
Ask yourself how does this situation
make me feel?
● Needs
What do I value? What needs were
not addressed?
● Actions
*Encourages internally running through this framework
before speaking to someone. It can really defuse the
situation and make a big difference. Then you can ask the
same questions to the other person.
Scenario
Joey is your pair. Joey has been
taking a lot more breaks than you
need. Today they said that were
taking a 15 minute break, they came
back 45 minutes later. You’re
noticing they aren’t telling you where
they’ve gone or when they’re coming
back.
You and Joey sit down to do
plus/deltas at the end of the day.
What do you say?

What are you going to do?
Next Steps
4 Key Areas to Feedback culture
1. Create a space to speak truths
2. Ask for Feedback (tips)
3. Own Your Own Change
4. Give Feedback
To Summarize
● Actively listen without judgement
● Be vulnerable and humble
● Make asking for feedback a habit
● Use your feedback prompt
● Do 1:1 plus deltas with a teammate
● Hold yourself accountable for acting on feedback
● Praise each other when you’re succeeding
● Share observations about behavior not personality
● Try other ways of giving feedback: Situation Behavior Impact,
Observations Feelings Needs Actions.

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Questions, Comments?

Thank You

│ ©2021 VMware, Inc. 56
Empathy Circle
10 minute activity: Foster psychological safety with engagement and understanding.

Let’s practice active listening.
How-to make an
Empathy Circle
Setup
● Count off to split into groups of 3
● Designate a Speaker, Listener, Observer
● Once the Speaker says “I feel fully heard”, Swap roles
Speaker
● Talk about something good that happened to you this week
● Offer clarification or add new information if necessary
● When you feel understood, stop the conversation and say
“I feel fully heard”
Listener
● Listen with interest. Ask questions for context.
● Avoid judging, diagnosing, advising
● Reflect back what you heard the Speak say with: “It sounds like…”
● You’re both working together so the speaker feels understood

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